Will you blow on my dice?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
