I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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