my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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