found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
