Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
