Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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