I need help removing her.
high people should be assigned attendants
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
