we made out on top of his cat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just blew my weed a kiss
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
