oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
