He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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