my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
