Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
