Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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