she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
