he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
