We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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