Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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