where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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