I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
