nut hugger
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My first STD was from a foam party
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
