god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
