my phone needs a breathalizer
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
