There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
