Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
