she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
