I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
