I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can't special order awesome
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
