at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
