We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
