he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
