drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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