rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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