Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
