i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
