Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
