he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
