I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
