He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
