My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
