i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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