Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
