Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
