So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
