Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
