How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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