I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
