5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
