The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
