I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
