we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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