smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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