"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
