so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
