he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
